Ok, lets play catch up...

Its been months. My laptop shite itself & had to go back & life just got hectic, so I haven't been back.
I just started reading a friends blog about her son that I wish I'd read before. (miss you every day Lulu)

So, I have Bri's diagnosis. Sensory Processing Issues, ADD & possible ADHD. But its a bit hard to diagnose the ADHD when her sensory seeking is very similar behaviour.

She's a seeker. She seeks sensory stimulation. She likes her clothes tight, the TV loud, her shoe laces the same tightness on each foot... If there isn't enough noise she makes her own. Singing or talking incessantly.

She seeks touch. She needs deep seated pressure (you can get from a weighted blanket, or coz we're cheap, a weighted door snake) to feel secure.

Her body does issues with temperature. She really doesn't feel the cold, even though she is cold.

Tactile & vestibular senses are the ones she has trouble with. Tactile is explained above. Vestibular is movement. Its hard to explain when you're still trying to understand it yourself!


Onto Jesse.
I'm at a loss. He is just impossible. I talked it over with my gp last week. He could be like Bri, with ADHD or similar, or he could very well be on the autism spectrum.

To hear a medical professional actually say something you've wondered about for a while is a bit daunting. I've spent weeks telling myself the reasons why he doesn't have an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Telling myself I'm over reacting & reading too much into everything.



I'm going to go back to the start. Back to the baby.

Jesse never liked people he didn't know well. At 4 months old someone said hello to him in his pram & he didn't smile, like I assume most babies do (all my girls did), he screamed. He cried til she left him alone... all she did was smile & say hello.

These are just the things that stand out, that I remember thinking weren't quite normal, but there are reasons they could be normal for him.

At 9 months old he had his first kicking screaming tantrum. Throwing himself on the floor for about half an hour. Nothing I did or said helped. Eventually with me just sitting next to him, he settled.

He still hated people. Didn't like people he didn't know looking at him. Myself, my sister in law & his dad were the only poeple he liked & allowed to pick him up. Sister in law moved away when he was only 4 months old, so they've lost their connection :(

At 8 months old I moved in with my parents, with the 3 kids for a while. It took weeks for my mum to be allowed to pick him up. He'd arch his back & cry. My sister, 3 years later, still can't get too close unless he allows it. which he has... once.

When he started walking, he started to attatch to men. He hated women talking to him. In 2 instances he hugged men he didn't know... One the school principles husband... saw him down the street & he stopped to say hello... Jesse just put his arms up & hugged him. (He got down on Jesse's level & let him).
Then at the Salvation Army. I needed a bit of help & had an appointment with the Pastor (I think thats what he's called). Anyway, as we were leaving, the same thing, Jesse put his arms up to be picked up, put his head on his shoulder so he couldn't see anyone & stayed there a good few minutes, til we had to go. Then he cried because I took him back...

He has a little mate here a few months younger. They love each other. This friend is the only child outside the family Jesse will interact with. They can play all day long. This friends mother though, isn't able to speak to Jesse unless she's careful. If they are doing something wrong, she might just say no, he freaks & starts screaming.

Other kids he might just watch, or he will ignore them & wonder around my himself. He goes to daycare & does not play with other kids. He's been going for 6 months.


He has major control issues. He wants to control everything. It makes life impossible! If things don't go the way he wants them to he will scream & scream & scream.
eg. we go down to the shops. At the stairs I have to stop while Jesse walks up the stairs. Then when he says, I can walk up. I know how that probably sounds, but if I just ingored him & walked up anyway, the tantrum that would follow would be unbelievable. He would stand there, at the top of the stairs screaming. I would keep walking, but not want to lose sight of him. He would not stop. I'd do what I came to do (with him thrown over my shoulder screaming if need be) & get back to the car ASAP.
Then the real fun would start. Getting him in the car. In his seat. & getting him to keep his seat belt on & STAY in his seat.

The sreaming will continue. Long after we make it home & I drag him inside. I might be able to stop it by putting a fave movie on. As long as he's in the mood. If not, I'll stop, put him on my lap & just do whatever to try to calm him down.

This is our daily life. Every day I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. The child is 3 & he's running our lives! I'm trying so hard not to let him, but its so hard when he gets so vicious. He gets violent. Will throw & slam things, while screaming.

I'm fighting a losing battle every day & I'm slowly loosing my mind.